I still question what is actually going on in this relationship, until recently I felt as if I was the only one trying. He is making more of an effort but sees that I am not happy. He comes with a lot of 'baggage' and I am not handling it well.
I travel for work, I used to be gone for 5-6 days a week and that was tough on both of us. Now I am gone for 4 days a week so it's a little easier. I love my job, I get to be myself and meet new people and also travel all over Nova Scotia. I hate being away from my son the most but I know I am working hard to give him a good life.
I'm told by my husband that I am not happy and I will agree with him about that - I'm not. Why though? I would say it's a huge complicated combination of a million things. I don't feel like ME when I am around him, I don't laugh and smile as much as I do every where else. I feel he is negative when I am being positive. I get excited about things and he doesn't join in on my excitement. There are always people interfering in our relationship, 2 of those people are the baggage I am referring to. One being his mother - said we were a ticking time bomb and wasn't surprised when we separated. The other is the mother of his daughter - thought she could have him back when we separated and actually owned up to being the biggest problem in our relationship.
So what do we do? Do we continue to fight against all odds to be together? Do we stay miserable so our son doesn't have a broken home? There are a million questions going through my head and not one answer. Something I am not used to. I don't want to be unhappy anymore, I want a normal life. I want a life for my son that is better than I had.
I am always the one left in tears, holding on to something that is not there.
He left tonight to go to his place and gave me back my keys...I didn't ask for them.
Is that him saying it's over? That he is done trying?
Guess I'll soon find out.
I travel for work, I used to be gone for 5-6 days a week and that was tough on both of us. Now I am gone for 4 days a week so it's a little easier. I love my job, I get to be myself and meet new people and also travel all over Nova Scotia. I hate being away from my son the most but I know I am working hard to give him a good life.
I'm told by my husband that I am not happy and I will agree with him about that - I'm not. Why though? I would say it's a huge complicated combination of a million things. I don't feel like ME when I am around him, I don't laugh and smile as much as I do every where else. I feel he is negative when I am being positive. I get excited about things and he doesn't join in on my excitement. There are always people interfering in our relationship, 2 of those people are the baggage I am referring to. One being his mother - said we were a ticking time bomb and wasn't surprised when we separated. The other is the mother of his daughter - thought she could have him back when we separated and actually owned up to being the biggest problem in our relationship.
So what do we do? Do we continue to fight against all odds to be together? Do we stay miserable so our son doesn't have a broken home? There are a million questions going through my head and not one answer. Something I am not used to. I don't want to be unhappy anymore, I want a normal life. I want a life for my son that is better than I had.
I am always the one left in tears, holding on to something that is not there.
He left tonight to go to his place and gave me back my keys...I didn't ask for them.
Is that him saying it's over? That he is done trying?
Guess I'll soon find out.
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