A strange relationship...

I got married August 18th 2012, 3 months later we had the biggest blow out fight that actually lasted for days...we separated. We have tried to work things out a few times since, and are currently working on our relationship again. We live apart, which to me is, well, not a good idea. Why pay bills in 2 homes?? Makes no sense. But I moved into an apartment and signed a year lease and he hates apartments...

I still question what is actually going on in this relationship, until recently I felt as if I was the only one trying. He is making more of an effort but sees that I am not happy. He comes with a lot of 'baggage' and I am not handling it well.
I travel for work, I used to be gone for 5-6 days a week and that was tough on both of us. Now I am gone for 4 days a week so it's a little easier. I love my job, I get to be myself and meet new people and also travel all over Nova Scotia. I hate being away from my son the most but I know I am working hard to give him a good life.
I'm told by my husband that I am not happy and I will agree with him about that - I'm not. Why though? I would say it's a huge complicated combination of a million things. I don't feel like ME when I am around him, I don't laugh and smile as much as I do every where else. I feel he is negative when I am being positive. I get excited about things and he doesn't join in on my excitement. There are always people interfering in our relationship, 2 of those people are the baggage I am referring to. One being his mother - said we were a ticking time bomb and wasn't surprised when we separated. The other is the mother of his daughter - thought she could have him back when we separated and actually owned up to being the biggest problem in our relationship.
So what do we do? Do we continue to fight against all odds to be together? Do we stay miserable so our son doesn't have a broken home? There are a million questions going through my head and not one answer. Something I am not used to. I don't want to be unhappy anymore, I want a normal life. I want a life for my son that is better than I had.
I am always the one left in tears, holding on to something that is not there.
He left tonight to go to his place and gave me back my keys...I didn't ask for them.
Is that him saying it's over? That he is done trying?
Guess I'll soon find out.

Introduction

My name is Tracey, I am 30 years old. I travel around Nova Scotia for my job. I have a 2 year old son that I love more than anything in the world. I am married to a wonderful man who I adore, he has a 9 year old daughter who I also love very much.

Some fun facts about me: I like zebra print, my bathroom is all zebra print, the background on my phone is zebra print and I have 2 housecoats, 2 pairs of pajama pants, a blanket and a spring coat that is also zebra print. This may sound crazy but I also have a stuffed zebra I named Zander that I take on the road with me sometimes mostly because my son loves him and it reminds me of him.

Zander the zebra

Right now I am addicted to the show "How I Met Your Mother" and watch it every night before bed on Netflix. I also have my husband watching it, something to keep us connected while I am away for work. 

I am a 'girly' girl, I love jewelry, clothes, shoes, make-up and the color pink. 

I sing and love going to Karaoke it's a form of stress release for me. Most of the time I am singing in my head, or so I think... 

 I am doing this blog for me, so I can vent or celebrate...